It's English Week!

You may be wondering why there was no post on Saturday...it's because we're all busy. Plus, it's English week and no one wants to hear from us three times in the span of a week. That said, let's look at the first two matches of English Week!

Saturday, we traveled to Gelsenkirchen and played Schalke. Not the prettiest match ever, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in saying that I'll take 3 points against a top flight team that ended 2-0. Especially in a week where we also were going to have to face Wolfsburg and Werder Bremen. There was a little chippiness (we were playing Schalke, after all, and they're nothing if not consistent in the chippy arena).

And today, we beat Wolfsburg at home. 3-0 looked pretty awesome, especially since Frankfurt drew Dortmund today (3-3) and thus leaves us alone at the top of the table with a perfect record. And a pretty darn awesome GD.

But I want to take a moment today to give some shout outs.

Thomas Muller, our scoring leader, continues to prove he's invaluable both as a scoring force and as someone who creates opportunities for others (he set up Toni's goal on Saturday against Schalke).

Bastian Schweinsteiger continued to prove that he's THE most valuable player in footy. Last year, there was a great article about how important he is defensively (the most important player, actually, according to that article), but it's more than that. Basti is a leader; his presence on the pitch makes the team better. And this year, he's been a huge offensive force for us, too, sitting at 3 goals in the Bundesliga and 1 so far in the Champions League. I realize that all of us here at FC Hollywood would fall into the camp of being head-over-heels in love with Basti, but it's not without reason. He makes a difference and we're lucky to have him.

And, seriously, how fast is Xherdan Shaqiri?!?

CL Group Stage Action: vs. Valencia

Well, folks, today Bayern opened up our 2012-3 Champion's League campaign. All in all, there's not that much to say about the match. We dominated possession (67% of it was ours) and led in every category save for fouls, yellow cards (2), red cards (1). And despite Mandzukic's missed penalty, we still won 2-1.

So, for now, I'd just like to bask in the fact that, in all competitions, we have four men who are our co-scoring leaders...

Thomas Muller, who has clearly decided to fight for his spot in the first team.
Mario Mandzukic, who is settling in well.
Toni Kroos, who, like Muller, is making it clear he belongs in our Starting XI.
And Bastian Schweinsteiger, who is back from injury and has now scored in 3 of 4 matches he's played so far this season.

I was explaining to a friend earlier that there are four things (this is not an exhaustive list...I wouldn't be physically or mentally capable of listing EVERYTHING) that I really love about Bayern:
1. Basti
2. Toni
3. Basti goals
4. Toni goals
So, as far as I'm concerned, this match was pretty much perfect.

We'll be back with you on Saturday when we head to Gelsenkirchen to take on Schalke. Until then, please enjoy this picture of our two goal scorers from today...

Matchday 3: Bayern v. Mainz

Before I get into today's match post, I'd just like to share my least favorite German phrase with everyone: Robben verletzt. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Arjen Robben has once again been returned to Bayern injured after international duty. I know we've all mentioned our dislike of international duty, but here, I want to point out something. Last year, under Heynckes and Bert (whose last name I'm too lazy to Google) who was Dutch NT coach (and MvB's father-in-law), Robben wasn't injured. Yes, he still managed to catch the flu, but he didn't break any of his precious glass bones or tear any of his tissue paper-thin ligaments. But you know who the new Dutch coach is? LvG. Under whom, at Bayern, Robben was repeatedly injured. I'm just saying...can we maybe stop loaning him until they sack LvG? We all know it'll happen sooner or later and I'd prefer Robben stay in his bubble wrap until after that. Also, Ribery picked up a knock. NO MORE INTERNATIONAL DUTY INTERFERING WITH BAYERN MATCHES!

Okay, not that we've gotten that out of the way, let's look at today's match against Mainz. We'll (hopefully) have a first-hand account for you later, as one of our FC Hollywood team was actually at the match,  but until then, the highlights:

-Mario Mandzukic getting things started in the 2nd minute. Nice goal, nice assist from Thomas.
-Bastian Schweinsteiger giving me the best 30th birthday present I could ask for: a goal and a win.
-At this point, I start wondering if Bayern read my wish list for the match. I forgot that for about 25 minutes when Mainz had far too much possession and seemed like they might get back in it (note to Dante: please to not be giving away penalties. We like our GD nice and high).
-And then, because it's my birthday, Toni Kroos felt the need to keep up with Basti and give me a goal and cement the win.

Other than the goals, for me, the highlight was watching Thomas Muller play, well, like Thomas Muller. It's clear he's decided to work his butt off and fight for a spot in the Starting XI and it's awesome to see him back with such energy and creativity. It didn't always work, but he was all over the place today, creating chances, and taking chances. And an honorable mention to Shaqiri, who I'm starting to think is part cheetah. He's REALLY fast.

But, all in all, not a bad showing. Unless Eintracht Frankfurt wins and scores more than 5 goals tomorrow, we're still top of the table. Here's your leaderboard as it stands with two matches left of matchday three:

And we're back (both us and Bayern!)

Well, it's Match Day 2 and Bayern's first real test: Stuttgart. (Stop laughing! They have beaten us in quasi-recent memory AT HOME)

If you're like me, you took one look at today's line up and wondered why Holger was back on the left and Dante was given the start at centreback. And it seems to have us a little bit out of sorts at first. When I wasn't falling asleep, I was yelling at my computer, because our back line looked a mess and our holding mids...weren't really holding anything. Stuttgart scored (and, to be completely fair, it was a pretty great goal) and...I commenced venting my frustration with the boys with one of our regular readers.

And then, in typical Thomas fashion, Muller assisted himself. Because I enjoy teasing my friend who is a Gunner, for those keeping track, Muller now has as many goals as Arsenal does on the season.

And Toni Kroos. Can we just take a moment to celebrate the fact that Toni Kroos plays for us? Not only did he, in the first cup match of the season, do fangirls everywhere a huge service by dowsing himself in water and thus making us all appreciate the fact that the away kit is mostly white, but he can score from 30 yards out. And does. More often than he really should be able to. What a screamer of a goal!

And then, after missing the best chance of the first 20 minutes or so for Bayern, Luis Gustavo defeats both the Stuttgart keeper and the woodwork (I think the wood sometimes forgets it is only supposed to play for Bayern...) and scores another 30-yard screamer.

Immediately after the half, mostly because he wanted Chary to be able to play his torhymne ("Mandy" by Barry Manilow), Mario Mandzukic scored. Followed by Muller. At this point, it's just getting fun for us and really embarrassing for Stuttgart.

Feeling left out, the love of my life, er, our vice captain decides to open his scoring for the season, making it 6-1 Bayern with another 40 minutes to play. To quote a regular reader, he is the Mary Poppins of football: practically perfect in every way.

And we have officially reached the point in the match where your team here at FC Hollywood starts placing bets on things like whether Neuer will score (or do anything other than rescue kittens from up trees while the other ten boys play footy), whether Holger will score (please check out hasholgerscoredyet.tumblr.com for all your Holger-scoring needs), what the likelihood was that Robben caught a cold because he was trying to squeeze into a child's size small kit or Tymo is out because he slipped on the butter the team used to squeeze everyone into smaller kits this year (note: Team FC Hollywood FULLY approves of the boys wearing their jerseys tighter).

Mandzukic comes off in the 70th for Pizzarro and everyone is waiting with baited breath: will we see Javi Martinez? Since Basti's still not at 100%, it'd be great to rest him and give Martinez a chance to show us why we just spent the Bundesliga-record obscene amount of money for him. And, for the record, we'd like to welcome Javi Martinez to Bayern. Bienvenido, Javi, y esperamos que jugara bien para nos!

In the 73, Shaqiri comes on for Ribery (Ribery was still playing? He was a little quiet today, but that's maybe not fair since we can say that only because he didn't score). Then Boa gets a yellow for a mid-air collision with a Stuttgart player (who gets a straight red for then shoving Boa after they picked themselves up off the floor).

And it's the moment you've all been waiting for! Javi Martinez makes his debut in the 77th and Basti heads to the bench for a (VERY) well-deserved break.

13 minutes later, it's all over. Bayern win VERY decisively 6-1, are at the top of the table with a +8 goal differential, and "Stern des Sudens" is still really catchy.

Your German word of the week: torgala. What does it mean? Well, I'm pretty sure it means "scoring enough goals that you thoroughly embarrass your opponents" but it could also just mean "lots of goals."

Until next week, friends, let's all sing together:

FC Bayern, Stern des Südens, du wirst niemals untergehn,

weil wir in guten wie in schlechten Zeiten zu einander stehn,

FC Bayern, Deutscher Meister, ja, so heißt er mein Verein,

Ja, so war es und so ist es und so wird es immer sein!