here we go again

A struggling Bayern sacks an uninspiring manager towards the end of the season in the hopes that the shock method will breathe new life into the team.

If you just rushed to the mirror to make sure that you haven't changed into Bill Murray, you're not alone. This is a tale that feels quite familiar.

It's not exactly news that Bayern can rarely hold onto a successful manager for a sustainable period of time. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that it's because the infamous nature of the club has a tendency to attract a bevy of talented but egomaniacal managers. Now, aren't all successful managers egomaniacal in some way? Well, of course. The issue is their outlook. Some managers care more about how they're perceived by the outside and as a result, intrapersonal relationships with the players fall by the wayside. Take a look at the likes of Jose Mourinho - he may be widely hated by a great many people, but his players love him completely, and that's what makes the difference.

We can only hope that one day our prince will come, Bayern fans.

Now I'd like to turn my attention to the second order of business and that would be Uli Hoeneß's comments. Papa Bayern is going to catch a lot of flack for what he's said. Personally, I'm someone who always has a certain admiration for honest reactions, even when they fly in the face of what is appropriate and professional. The man did his best to hold his tongue all season, I can't fault him for finally giving in. However, I would like to address a few of the things that he actually said.

“With the decision to take Butt out of goal, the whole thing went to shit. You can’t watch it anymore, especially after yesterday. It’s been a chain reaction, the whole defense was insecure.”

Unlike many, I don't consider this comment as solely a criticism of Thomas Kraft's skills because that would be disingenuous. Kraft had some truly bright moments in the past few months that showed that while he may not have the makings of an excellent goalkeeper, he can certainly grow into a solid one with more and more experience. The problem is, you can't stick an inexperienced goalkeeper between the posts when you're going to play musical chairs with your backline, never allowing any combination of players to truly develop a rapport and subsequently eroding the collective form of the defensive players.

"It’s about success..but it’s also about having fun. And there has been very little fun at this club for a long time."

The single more important poignant thing that he said. The players have appeared to be emotionally exhausted in some way or another all season and all the talent in the world can't patch that up. We need a manager who can inspire the players to lift themselves above that and to have fun again. Can Jonker pull it off in such a short time? Will Heynckes be that man for us next season? Only time will tell.

Nurnberg v. Bayern Reaction

And now for a feature I like to call, "Are you effing kidding me?!?"

Okay, Kraft, I know you're young. And somewhat inexperienced. But can you explain to me why you felt it was a good idea to come so far off your line that you were so far out of the box that you did not appear on screen when the goal was scored? I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. Yeah, I know your back line has problems. Yes, our defense is somewhat lacking. But that doesn't excuse a failed attempt to clear with your foot, when you actually had a defender there and, had you been on your line, you would have had a chance to stop the shot. I'd say it's a "rookie mistake" but you're the number one keeper for the best club in German history. You don't get to make those kind of mistakes. Do that again and I might start thinking bring in Neuer is a good idea. And for the record, Jorg would NEVER have done that.

And, while we're on the topic of ridiculously dumb moves, Arjen, let's have a chat for a moment. I know that this season has been frustrating. I know that your best friend had to leave because our coach is a giant dumbass and that he's been blatantly taking shit out on the players loyal to Mark. And I know that, often, it feels like you're the only person on the pitch actually trying to WIN and not just not lose. And, without a doubt, today's ref was a blind arsehole. However, seeing as your the only player who seems capable of actually finding the net and/or creating chances for his teammates...could you maybe have waited to yell at the ref until he couldn't red card you for it? I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying that it's a crappy situation. But know that I can't stay mad at you, because at least you care enough to get mad.

Bonne anniversaire, M. Ribery!

Today is Franck's birthday. Here's hoping his pants stay on!

We know you're out there...

...so please, feel free to comment and let us know your thoughts! We promise: we don't bite (unless asked nicely). Rules for good adult behavior apply (aka don't be an asshole). In order to encourage some participation: Which player would you most like us to choose for our FC Hollywood Star of the Week?

through good times and bad (or sam addresses the südkurve situation)

You know those moments when you want to throw things at a wall, tear your hair out and start making voodoo dolls? You start to feel light-headed and that might be a little bit of anger, but mostly it's just this sinking disappointment that you know will stay with you for days no matter how many times you try to yourself "it's just a game." Those moments when things just don't go your way even though you thought to yourself, "goddamnit I really thought we were going to pull it together this time." Yeah. Of course you do. Those are the "nothing is going our way" times. Those are the bad times. But here's the thing about the bad times - they don't last forever. No winning streak will remain unbroken; success and failure are not static entities. You need the bad times because they're growing experiences. You need the bad times to get to those moments where you literally can't stop smiling and you think your face might just get stuck that way. Those times when you just can't stop dancing and everything feels like rainbows and cakes like it did back in middle school. That's what makes the good times so much better because they feel hard-fought for and you don't take them for granted. I don't ever want to reach a point where I consider winning to be a given because really, where's the fun in that. So, there you are and there's that sinking feeling in your stomach and it sucks because you hate feeling like this. So what? Grit your teeth, down a few shots of Jägermeister and support your team because no matter how crappy you're feeling, I can guarantee that they're feeling much worse.

(I promise I don't usually write so often in second person narrative, I have no idea where that's coming from).

The Problem with Pranjic (or Bayern's LB Saga Continues)

Let's be honest: we have a problem and his name is Pranjic. He's the player who, every time he touches the ball, we all cringe and pray "Don't screw up!" and then we breathe a sigh of relief when he passes (or, more often, we sigh in exasperation when he turns the ball over). He's not fast enough to play at LB, he concedes unnecessary corners. So why does he keep getting playing time?

The following is a conversation that Charyse and I had about a month ago. I think it explains it all:

Charyse: the trials and tribulations of being an FC Bayern fan continue/

Bex: DISLIKE.
In other news, we’re pretty sure that LvG’s deal with the devil had a clause that allows Koln to always best Bayern. It’s the only explanation.

Charyse: this also justifies pranjic.

Bex: LvG: I want to coach Bayern Munich.
Devil: Okay, but I have a few conditions.
LvG: That’s fine. As long as I can show them my balls.
Devil: Um…sure. But you’re never going to beat Koln.
LvG: It could be worse. It could be Schalke. What el se do you have for me?
Devil: And I want you to give my son, Daniel, some playing time.
LvG: Is he any good?
Devil: Occasionally, he’s good for an assist. But that’s about it. He’s the kind of player that will make your fans get nervous every time he’s anywhere near the ball.
LvG: As long as I can show them my balls, your son can play.
Other FC Bayern fans: THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

From Charyse: An exercise in observational statistics and other basic math

Important matches next week:

1. FC Nürnberg vs Bayern
2. Hannover vs Mainz
3. Leverkusen vs St. Pauli

FC Nürnberg is playing Köln today and if they are lucky enough to break Köln's winning streak they will be dead even in points with Mainz, which could be a catalyst for Mainz to beat Hannover next week. That puts them within shooting distance of us. At the very least we will need a draw to stay in 3rd, but obviously we should WANT a win (though based on the lack of fire from some of Bayern's players it is sometimes best to keep a stoic face, expectations low and know that no lead is safe).

When we last saw Nürnberg, we were at Allianz on November 14th, Matchday 11. We were 9th in the league with 16 points. While statistically less dire, it is even more urgent though here are some stats from that game to get an idea of how we might perform:
Fouls: Bayern - 17 (1 yellow), Nürnberg - 10 (1 yellow)
Corners: Bayern - 3, Nürnberg - 2
Offsides: Bayern 4- Nürnberg 0
Possession: 56.6% Bayern - 43.4% Nürnberg
Total Shots: Bayern 13 - Nürnberg 12
Pass completion rate: 57% Bayern - 43 % Nürnberg
Passing success (in percent): 84% Bayern - 77% Nürnberg

Our lineup that day was:
Butt - Lahm, Van Buyten, Breno, Pranjic - Tymo, Ottl - Müller, Schweinsteiger, Ribery- Gomez.

Based on today's rather lackluster performance against M'gladbach, I'm going to venture a guess that next weekend's lineup is going to be:

Kraft - Lahm, Gustavo Badstuber, Pranjic- Kroos, Schweinsteiger- Robbery and Müller - Gomez.

For whatever reason, Pranjic will still be playing though it would be nice if van Buyten is fit for him to play, with Gustavo at LB and Pranjic far away from touching the ball.

On matchday 12, Leverkusen narrowly beat St. Pauli by 1, we can probably expect the same result. Pauli won't be at home so likelihood of beer projectiles is exponentially lower. However Pauli are now at the bottom 3 and will be scrapping opponents (we can hope) against Leverkusen.

Regarding Hannover-Mainz, their earlier meeting saw a yellow-red for 96. Mainz had a majority of the possession during the match though as we know that means nothing. I am hoping Mainz will do us (and themselves, I guess), a favor by beating Hannover, but at the very least I am going to hope for a draw.

What this all boils down to is what should happen
What should happen:
FC Nürnberg vs Bayern - > Bayern win (though we are not an away team, we can hope)
Hannover vs Mainz -> Mainz win
Leverkusen vs St. Pauli --> Pauli win

This puts Bayern at a safer (though still 3 point) distance away from Hannover, Leverkusen, 2nd place and CL closer within reach.
vs.

The worst that we should expect to happen:
1. FC Nürnberg vs Bayern: draw
2. Hannover vs Mainz: draw
3. Leverkusen vs St. Pauli: Leverkusen win.
We would still be deadly close to Hannover, still in third place though with the better GD and Bayer would be harder to gain on.

There's an even worse alternative but I will refrain from that and hope that this weekend's performance will forcibly shake up our players so that we can get a solid win, add to our GD and bring us closer to ending this nightmare of a season.

For now, I leave you all with the wondrous sounds of Arjen Robben's torhymne: